


Anymore

by orphan_account



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Death, Grief, M/M, Sad, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 03:35:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15330846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: And the temptation to push harder and end it all is almost irresistible, he wants to, but the same gravity, the same voice in his head says "No. No.", keeps repeating that over and over until the blade falls onto the ground as well as Jeremiah himself.





	Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> THIS INVOLVES SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND SUCH THEMES SO DON'T READ PLEASE IF YOU GET TRIGGERED!  
> My friend asked to write this so I thought I'd try. Sad batjokes is... just sad.
> 
> https://soundcloud.com/imarchr/idontwannabeyouanymore this is what i listened to while writing.

Jeremiah's palm is so sweaty that it can barely hold the razor blade without letting it slip. The wet tears dripping onto it don't help either, he can almost hear every drip even through the sobbing. It's hard to believe that the blade can cut deeper than the feelings are now so he's not feeling shy or shaking.

A push.

Is all that takes to break the thin skin on the pale wrist, not deep enough to harm a vein yet making the blood gush out immediately. The expression on the man's face doesn't change at all. _This_... is nothing compared to what he's going through. Mental pain. Emotional pain. The real pain. _This_ could almost be considered pleasure and he almost wishes it was only that. 

The echo of that deep, mature younger man's voice at the back of his head and the slight pain is the only thing keeping Jeremiah conscious, like gravity holding him down to Earth even though he wants to take off and fly to the Moon. " _I love you_ " his lover says "But you need to leave me" he whispers through the _bloody_ tears. The memory hits him like an asteroid. 

__________________

_"Bruce, you know that this sweater is actually very funny?" Jeremiah looks down at Bruce's clothes, giggling as they walk deeper and deeper into the park, Bruce's shoes making every step almost echo as there is no one or nothing here, just the two of them, moonlight, a few tress and love. Bruce smiles._

_"Well I'm glad you find it funny, Jeremiah, you are a cat person then, I suppose?"_

_Jeremiah laughs again. "Indeed, yes, but t h a t, Bruce, is not a cat." Jeremiah smirks as he stops walking and steps in front of the other just to see the smiling, cartoon like ginger cat on Bruce's sweater. However, his eyes travel up and meet Bruce's smile, white teeth, up to his brown, deep like ocean eyes, staring right into Jeremiah's soul. He unintentionally takes Bruce's both hands into his, holding them as if he was about to propose. Surprisingly the silence filling the small gap between them doesn't feel awkward at all, the both managed to develop such relationship in such a short time that everything seems so natural._

_"Bruce, I love you very much." Jeremiah finally says with a wide, happy smile on his face. Bruce giggles but comes back to his usual, serious face expression. And so does Jeremiah. It comes naturally, their eyelids close up, breathing stops and faces slowly move towards each other. And then Bruce reaches out with his tongue into Jeremiah's mouth and he lets him in, closing his lips around it. Bruce's hands find their way to Jeremiah's hair, messing them up but the man doesn't seem to mind at all, he's too lost in the deep sensation and so is Bruce. They've done this already, but every single time seems to be different, differently pleasant, differently beautiful._

_Jeremiah is quite quick to pull away, breathless. He looks into Bruce's dark eyes almost drowning in them when a voice from behind interrupts and he jumps and turns around._

_"Say hello to mom and daddy, Billionaire boy." A low, hoarse voice says, coming from a masked man dressed in only black. Everything goes slow-mo as Jeremiah notices the gun in the man's hand and pushes Bruce to the side, encouraging him to run, but obviously a bullet was faster than his reaction._

_Jeremiah freezes for a moment as he is not sure if got shot or not. He even checks himself, making sure there is no blood and he releases a shaky breath as his hands are still clean, but oh God..._

_Bruce._

_Jeremiah has never been in such terror. Bruce falls back, hitting the ground as Jeremiah rushes onto his knees, immediately locating a wound in the middle of his stomach. There is blood. A lot of blood. And it's all on his hands, the realisation that Bruce is dying hits him so hard that he falls into shock himself, shaking and breathing rapidly, trying to put some pressure on the wound with his trembling hand, but it does not much as ever more blood gushes out. His other hand looks for a phone in all his pockets but he doesn't find one._

_"Help!" Jeremiah shouts desperately, hoping for some help to come, someone to hear. The killer is no longer here either. It's just them. And Bruce realises that too. His weak head turns slightly to the left to look Jeremiah in the eye, he thinks, for the last time. They both sob at the same time as they become aware of the fact that there is actually nothing they can do.  
_

_"Leave me." The dying man on the ground says. "I love you, Jeremiah. Tell Alfred I love hi-" And it's over. It's as if Bruce forgot what he was going to say, but no. He's just..._

_dead. This thought sends shivers all over Jeremiah's body, the realisation of his light, the love of his life being dead in his hands almost making him wish it was him._

_He just sits there, shocked and terrified. Then he just desperately tried to wake Bruce up, shaking him, trying to lift him up, feeling for a pulse and finding none, his heart just froze, but those eyes still looking at him. It's too much. Too much. Jeremiah closes them._

__________________

Sob.

Jeremiah's hand moves the razor down and down, closer to the blue vein, so visible. He holds the blade there, squeezing it tighter and tighter. And the temptation to push harder and end it all is almost irresistible, he wants to, but the same gravity, the same voice in his head says " _No. No._ ", keeps repeating that over and over until the blade falls onto the ground as well as Jeremiah himself. The sobbing becomes louder and he just hopes Ecco is not listening to him outside. He's helpless. 

_We were meant for each other._

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope K likes this and isn't crying too much. <3 Love you all.  
> Leave some feedback!


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